My6inchchallenge's Blog

Tackling difficulties and overcoming the challenges life serves up – by Dona Halliday

Let me touch your heart — be open to love.

Let me touch your heart, be open to love

Move your hands, let me touch your heart

“Do you know you are protecting your heart?”
“WHAT?”

Before I knew it I was asleep …

Then, it was time to get up. My alarm had sounded at 6:00am signaling prayer time, but on Sundays I never get up that early. I stayed in bed enjoying the quiet, loving being at peace with my own thoughts. In fact, I was feeling a sense of satisfaction that I’m not one of those persons who have to keep rushing about busily because they cannot stand to hear themselves think.

“Do you know you are protecting your heart?”

Have you ever had a thought that seemed so clear and verbal that you found yourself responding out loud? For, there it was again, that same annoyingly probing question from last night. And again, I had responded out loud, somewhat too antagonistic, “WHAT?”

“Was there any truth to this loud, intrusive thought? If so, from what or from whom was I protecting my heart?” I started going down a mental list? First of all, could I be protecting my heart from God? That made no sense, but I needed to be sure. I asked out loud, “God, could I be protecting my heart from you?” Had I shut off any part of myself from God? Was I holding anything back? After pondering for a while, I realized that did not seem to be it. Check, check, check …

Then I remembered something my brother had said to me early last year, the greatest compliment I think anyone can give to another person, he had said he had seen how much I had changed. You used to be so anti-social he had said, (my version, I’m a loner) even with the people closest to you, but you have changed a lot.

The people who know me well know I do not quickly or easily allow people into my space. I can’t remember if I was always like that, but it seems I’ve always loved and have been very protective of my space. But I think feeling the need to protect my heart came a little later. Even as a child I was a keen observer of the lives of the people around me, and somewhere along the way I had held on to an observation I had made — men don’t stay, and even when they are there physically they might not really be there.

Wow! I’m not really loving this post right now, and this is not exactly what I wanted to start the New Year with, but there it was. Probably the underlying reason I had broken off most of my relationships, held some people at a distance, and refused to allow others to get close enough to touch my heart — A childhood observation — men don’t stay.

It’s strange, for even though somewhere in the background of my interactions this observation had influenced my navigation of relationships, I can say I’ve been loved well. I’ve expected to be respected and I’ve been, I’ve challenged men to a standard that they have admired years after our relationships have ended, I’ve learned to discipline myself so that I don’t allow men the luxury of wasting my time when they are not about anything. I’ve changed, I’ve loved, I’ve grown, but I’ve done that with a very well protected heart that always found reasons to leave.

I started 2011 with a simple request, “God, teach me, I’m willing to learn.” Now I add, “Lord, change me, I’m ready to be changed.”

This morning I had laughed at this thought in my head, “Move your hand, let me touch your heart.” I had never realized before that if I was not hugging my teddy bear to my heart when I was sleeping, my hand was over my heart feeling its rhythm. That was the way I woke up this morning.

It’s not bad allowing your heart to be touched, as a matter of fact, one of the reasons I’ve never out grown my childhood habit of sleeping with a stuffed animal is because I’ve realized having something hugged to my heart relaxes me. So on this 2nd day of the first month of 2011, I moved my hands from my heart, it’s about time I allowed someone else to touch it.

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2 Comments»

  jnel wrote @

Beautiful Dona! I say this with a sigh of relief a good one, someone got it and understands, this is so me with my heart but I couldn’t say it out loud. Thanks

  my6inchchallenge wrote @

Thanks Jnel. I have to admit this one was difficult for me to say out loud as well, but this is how we grow, i.e. if we want to badly enough. We have to push through the unpleasant and painful stuff.


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