My6inchchallenge's Blog

Tackling difficulties and overcoming the challenges life serves up – by Dona Halliday

6 signs that your relationship might be killing you

Challenge the relationships that challenge you

He's got to go!!

“I just flew up from St. Kicks with my girl to see the Bodies,” he said. I sat there staring at him wondering if he suffered from delusions. Why would anyone find it necessary to initiate a conversation and then tell lies. This guy I had gone out with had stopped two strangers and after asking them where they were from had told them we had just flown up from St. Kicks…

I remember the only thing I said to him was, “if you are going to pretend to be where I’m from, the least you can do is to learn how to pronounce it. I’m from St. KITTS.” After that I knew I would never go out with him again. He had to go.

That was years ago, but I’ve come to realize that there are far too many people who would go to great lengths to convince people they don’t know of a life they don’t possess.

As we listen to the buzz of how to show love this Valentine’s day, be careful not to make the expression of love about others who don’t matter. Even more importantly, for those of us who are single — don’t enter into or stay in relationships just because you don’t want to be alone. Evaluate your relationships. An evaluation can help reveal what ‘s working, what can be made better, and those things you need to let go.

Here are 6 signs that your relationships might be killing the best of who you are:

1. You lose your self-confidence and question your worth when you are together. Someone once told me that when she went out with the person she was in a relationship with her self-esteem would hit the floor. “He would always look at other women and talk about what he loves about their body and how they look,” she said. “I hate how I feel when we are together, but I love him and I know he loves me.” Really… how about some RESPECT? He’s got to go!

2. You introduce him as your boyfriend, and it’s eating you up on the inside, because even though he’s all up in your “yum yum’s” he still introduces you as “just a friend”. Do I really need to say anything about this? Your “yum yum’s are precious, discipline yourself and stop sharing them all willy-nilly. He’s got to go!!

3. The person tries to control you by playing on your insecurities. I believe we should post on our mirrors the definition of love, try the 1 cor. 13: 4-8 version. It will not only help us in learning to love better, but it will make it challenging for us to continue deceiving ourselves about the manipulation that others use, and call it love.

4. You feel pressured to do things that go against your values. Know where you stand and know why you take the stance that you do. It can take many years of growth to become strong in your convictions. Step up to the challenge, set appropriate boundaries, work on not placing yourself in compromising situations, and don’t choose to do something just because it’s easy or popular; not when those decisions can change the course your life.

5. You have an enforcer. This person makes it their responsibility to try to change you. If you do something they don’t like, even in error, they change their behavior because they mean to teach you a lesson. This is just another form of control, call things what they are, only then can you work on changing them.

6. You need to be “kept in your place.” Whether it’s your love life, your work life or where ever it might be, realize this is not really about you. When someone finds it necessary to try to withhold knowledge; close doors to opportunities for fear you may enter; feel threatened by your growth and try to shut you up, shut you out and put you down; it’s usually about their insecurities. Refuse to be kept in the space others have defined for you, keep going, keep growing, keep trusting, and watch God!

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