Mirror, Mirror — Having a healthy perception of self

January 18, 2010 at 2:07 am · Filed under Growth, development, health and wellness, relationships and tagged: Futile, God, growth, healthy, opinion, perception, relationship, satisfy, self-doubt, self-worth, significance, special, unique

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall!"

It’s so interesting to me how much of our self-worth and self-doubt is influenced by the external — what someone says, how they say it, how someone views us. Do they accept us? Reject us? Do they like us? Do we fit in? But, as we seek to live life skilfully, can we really afford to have our worth and significance determined by others?

Years ago I decided to move to the U.S. I left home and landed in Atlanta, dressed in a beautiful, white sun dress. It was September. When my brother met me, he seemed quite appalled and asked “don’t you know you do not wear white after Labour day?” I was quite miffed, to say the least, and I could not figure out who determined these things, and why I should care.

That was about 14 years ago. Since then, I sometimes look at what the trends are, the colors of the seasons, the stand that some strive to keep up with, but I still live by a decision I had made as a teenager, not to allow others to dictate who I am, what makes me significant and how I view myself.

If you find yourself trying to change and satisfy everyone’s opinion of who they think you should be, it’s time to pause and do some internal evaluation.

Know, there will be times when others will not accept you, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s the way you speak, the way you look, you’re too confident, not confident enough, you don’t measure up to “their” standards, something they’ve heard, they are suspicious, they are insecure, they just don’t like you and they don’t know why. They are a myriad of reasons why someone may reject you, but most of the times it’s about them, not about you.

However, here are 6 steps to having a healthier perception of self:

1. Spend time with yourself, look at yourself, get comfortable with even your undesirable parts and accept yourself as you are right now

2. Dig deep, find out what makes you, you — what makes you unique, special, what your gifts are and what you have to offer

3. Do not allow others to keep punishing you for past failures, forgive yourself and move forward

4. Formulate a plan, get help if necessary, work on and change those things that will help you grow

5. Remember, comparing yourself to others is futile, living in self-doubt is unproductive, but proactively working to develop will produce amazing results

6. Realize, you mattered so much to God, the He made the way for you to have a relationship with him

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